Hindsight is always 20/20
"Hindsight is always 20/20." Dan is quite fond of this saying and I am afraid proclaims it to me often, usually with a wry grin. And it's true. Events always seem so much more inevitable or obvious looking back upon them. I think life does, too.
Many who know me well know that I have a slight obsession with order: I like schedules, neatness, plans, logic...You could say that I have a Type A personality. It drives me absolutely crazy when schedules are ignored, beds go unmade, plans unrealized--or worse yet, nonexistent--, efficiency and commonsense jettisoned. More times than not, unfortunately, life seems chaotic, random, senseless, frustrating. Why did this happen? Did it really have to work out this way?
And yet I nevertheless attempt to put together my life's pieces, to determine how I may learn about myself, about others, and about God from the beautiful created order which surrounds me. I desperately wish to understand why things are as they are, why they unfold in the ways that they do, the way they "fit" within my existing knowledge of the world. Sometimes life's most ugly, jagged edges later become the unexpected locales of grace.
Over the years, I have grown more comfortable with uncertainty and unresolvedness. I accept and realize that God does not always work in ways that conform to human logic or that seem immediately to satisfy to my desires (assuming that my desires even deserve satisfaction). Of course, it is a neverending process, and I continue to search for answers and order, patterns and intelligibility. Reflecting and contemplating about my experience with creation proves fruitful for my own personal growth, lends me greater kindness in my relationships with others, and leads me to God. I hope these meditations perhaps enhance somehow your own engagement with the world.
One more thing: a small confession. Admittedly, I risk seriously alienating any readers I may have from the start in divulging this piece of information, but, as they say, "hindsight is 20/20." It is my own fault if I turn off all potential readers. For the longest time, I did not appreciate the blogging concept at all. I thought that blogs wasted people's time and bloggers were narcissistic. Needless to say, I am eating my words. The ability of blogs to connect individuals from all around the world, to nourish and sustain relationships, to provide spaces in which so many may express their voices, and to encourage habitual writing, sharing, and reflection has completely altered my opinion. I come to the table (or I suppose in this case, blogosphere?) with some hopefully non-narcissistic, non-time wasting contributions. May these entries instead give rise to community and thought.